You said yes to the dress, the group chat exploded, and now you’re a bridesmaid—yay! Also… what exactly do you do besides stand there and look thrilled? Good news: it’s not mysterious or endless.
Here’s the real checklist, minus the fluff, so you can show up, support your friend, and still enjoy your life.
Understand Your Actual Role
Your top job? Support the bride emotionally and logistically. That means you show up, stay flexible, and help solve problems before they reach her. You don’t need to plan the entire wedding.
You don’t need to spend your future child’s college fund. You do need to be reliable, kind, and present.
Pre-Wedding Duties You Should Expect
You’ll handle a few things early on. Nothing wild, just consistent support and basic tasks that keep the train on the tracks.
- Group chat MVP: Respond to messages, keep details straight, and help herd cats (aka the bridal party).
- Dress shopping helper: Attend the dress try-ons if invited.
Snap photos, offer opinions when asked, and bring snacks. Always snacks.
- Order your outfit on time: Dress, shoes, undergarments, jewelry—make sure you buy, tailor, and break in everything with time to spare.
- Coordinate hair and makeup: Book your slots if needed, confirm prices, and show up on schedule. No surprise bangs.
- Attend key events: Engagement party (if local), shower, and bachelorette.
If you can’t make one, be honest early and pitch in another way.
Money Talk (Yes, We’re Going There)
Your “typical” costs include attire, alterations, hair/makeup (if required), travel, gifts, and event contributions. Set a budget and speak up early. If a weekend bachelorette in Ibiza isn’t doable, say so immediately. Real friends don’t make friends go broke for a hashtag.
Bachelorette Party: Fun, Not Chaos
Think host committee, not cruise director.
The maid of honor usually leads, but you’ll likely help plan, split costs, and execute.
- Ask what the bride wants: Spa day? Night out? Cozy cabin?
Keep it aligned with her vibe, not yours.
- Vote with your wallet: Suggest realistic options with clear budgets. No surprise add-ons.
- Handle logistics: Book reservations, split bills, organize rides, and create a simple itinerary.
- Bring the extras: Games, decorations, a playlist, and a small gift bag. Bonus points for Advil and water.
Social Media Etiquette
Double-check what you can post and when.
Some brides want all the content; others want a blackout. Ask first. No spoiler photos of the wedding dress.
Bridal Shower: Sweet, Simple, Organized
You’ll typically help the maid of honor host or co-host. Keep it thoughtful and efficient.
- Choose a theme and venue that fit her personality and budget.
- Coordinate invites and RSVP tracking (digital works; Grandma might need a paper invite).
- Plan food, drinks, and games—light, fun, and not cringe.
We’re not roasting her exes.
- Gift logistics: Make sure someone tracks who gave what during unwrapping for thank-you notes.
- Clean-up crew: Stick around and help tidy. Hero move.
Wedding Week: The Real Checklist
This is where you shine. Calm energy, clear communication, comfy shoes.
- Final fittings and pick-ups: Try on everything, pack a mini emergency kit, and bring backups (tape, bandaids, safety pins).
- Rehearsal and dinner: Show up early, learn the order, ask questions, and keep the vibe upbeat.
- Confirm your timeline: Know call times, travel plans, and photo schedules.
Screenshot everything.
- Check on the bride daily: Short texts like “Need anything?” or “Hydrate!” go a long way.
Your Bridesmaid Emergency Kit
Pack small and mighty:
- Fashion tape, safety pins, mini sewing kit
- Blotting sheets, mints, lip balm, pain reliever
- Band-aids, stain remover pen, deodorant
- Phone charger, portable steamer (if someone brings one)
- Snacks and water (the holy grail)
The Wedding Day: What You Actually Do
Game day! You act as hype squad, micro-manager (the kind people secretly appreciate), and human glue.
- Arrive on time, ready to roll: Hair and makeup schedule waits for no one.
- Keep the bride fed and hydrated: Toasts are cute; low blood sugar is not.
- Manage stuff: Track her phone, lipstick, vows, and bouquet. Designate someone to hold each item.
- Help with outfit: Bustle the dress, wrangle the veil, perfect the train.
- Photo wrangler: Pull in family for group shots.
Keep the list handy.
- Processional and ceremony: Walk slowly, smile. Hold the bride’s bouquet during vows. Fix the dress if needed.
- Reception hero: Help with quick changes, bathroom breaks (teamwork makes the… logistics work), and check in with vendors if the coordinator needs backup.
- Dance floor starter: Get people out there.
Yes, even Uncle Steve.
When Something Goes Wrong (Because It Will)
Stay calm, assign tasks, and keep the bride blissfully unaware if possible. Stain on the dress? Stain stick.
Missing boutonniere? Reassign one from a groomsman. Timeline slip?
Alert the coordinator and adapt. IMO, competence beats perfection every time.
Post-Wedding: The Quiet MVP Moves
The party ends, but your helpfulness still matters.
- Clean-up assist: Pack gifts, decor, and personal items. Label everything.
- Return rentals: Dresses, suits, accessories—confirm who handles what.
- Send photos: Share your best shots in an organized album.
The couple will love you.
- Check in with the newlyweds: A sweet message or a coffee drop-off hits hard after the whirlwind.
What’s Optional vs. Non-Negotiable
Let’s kill the confusion. Here’s what you can consider optional and what you should treat as must-do.
Non-Negotiable
- Show up to the rehearsal and wedding on time, prepared
- Buy and tailor your attire by the deadline
- Communicate clearly and respectfully in planning
- Support the bride emotionally and help problem-solve
Optional (Talk to the Group)
- Travel-heavy bachelorettes or pricey experiences
- Professional hair and makeup if not required
- Multiple pre-wedding events if you’re long-distance
- Over-the-top gifts on top of all your expenses
FAQ
Do bridesmaids pay for their own dresses?
Usually yes.
Budget-friendly options exist, and many brides pick a color and let you choose the style. If the dress price feels steep, talk to the bride or the group early. FYI, alterations add up—plan for that.
How involved should I be in planning the bachelorette and shower?
Offer ideas, help with logistics, and split the work with the group.
You don’t need to lead every detail unless you want to. If you can’t attend, contribute in another way—a gift, decor, or covering a small cost helps.
What if I can’t afford everything?
Be honest as soon as possible. Suggest budget-friendly alternatives, skip certain activities, or join for part of the event.
Real talk: good friends prioritize inclusion over aesthetics.
Do I need to give a gift if I’m already spending a lot?
A smaller, thoughtful gift or a group gift works perfectly. You can also write a heartfelt note and contribute your time. The best gifts aren’t always the fanciest, IMO.
Am I expected to make a speech?
Only if you’re the maid of honor or if the couple asks.
If you’re speaking, keep it short, sweet, and personal. No inside jokes that need a decoder ring.
What if I don’t like the dress?
You wear it anyway. You can request tweaks or different styles in the same color, but the final call belongs to the couple.
Comfort hacks—gel inserts, better undergarments—can save the day.
Bottom Line
Being a bridesmaid isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up, communicating, and keeping the joy front and center. Do the essentials well, skip the drama, and have fun celebrating your friend.
You’ve got this—and yes, the photos will be worth it.